Does It Seem Like The World Flying Past You At A Terrifying Speed?

Or do you just operate this slowly when you're teaching class?

I understand the struggles with boredom and motivation as well as anybody out there, but I feel that in your position as an educator, you should at least attempt to hide it. Instead, my classmates and myself are subjected to your droning, circular monologues that are delivered in such a stale manner they make Ben Stein sound like James Brown. Are you really that fed up?

The wedding ring on your finger is a point of much mystery and speculation. Who would marry you? Were you once a strapping young lad, capable of engaging discussion and devoid of that empty, beaten down look in your eyes? Maybe that look is because of the wife! Oh, wait... You teach classrooms full of community college freshmen, that certainly will suck the life out of a body.

I do appreciate the way you sullenly accept your miserable existence, protesting so loudly by wearing sandals with your khaki slacks. That look is impressive, a force to be reckoned with. Most people who are so far beyond giving a shit that they wear sandals to work wouldn't be bothered with pretending to be dressed appropriately by disguising the upper 90% of your body. You are channeling The Dude and Patrick Bateman and ended up somewhere in between, albeit a lot further to The Dude's side, and a hell of a lot older and more depressed.

Please quit your job before you drag the rest of us down to you dark and miserable level. Watching those sparkling young eyes dull as your elevated hum of a voice settles in is almost more than I can bear.

THIS JUST IN: You have been hospitalized for HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. How the fuck can a person who hovers narrowly above what doctors would describe as complete inactivity have high blood pressure?!?! On the bright side, you won't be coming back this semester and you have been replaced by quite possibly the single most stereotype fulfilling college professor I've ever experienced. Stay tuned for more on the "radical" Che Guevara looking, culturally conscious, anti-government rhetoric spouting gem that just been exposed!