The Mumbler

You sit two seats away from me, and yet I cannot decipher a single word that comes out of your mouth. How do you expect the professor, let alone anyone else in the class to hear you when you enunciate like your jaws are wired shut??? Do your thoughts sound that way in your brain? Can you understand yourself when you speak? What horror awaits anyone who is unlucky enough to have received a voicemail from you in the past? The possibilities are really endless. I can't get over the tenacity with which you refuse to make clear your points. Do they formulate in your head in the same amorphous, shapeless, meaningless form that they come oozing out of your mouth?

I would assume that someone who mumbles so incoherently would do so out of shyness or embarrassment, and only under duress of being forced to answer a question by the professor. This is certainly not the case with you, though. Your hoarse attempt at articulation can be heard rising at any given point of the class, in a brief spot of silence, in the midst of a lecture, halfway through another student's answer, it really doesn't matter. It never fails that our victimized professor will give you the courtesy of attempting to decode and then answer your question. This, of course, entails the stopping of the whole class for said professor to stroll over to your desk so that you can again breathe out whatever conglomeration of words you deemed necessary. Words that were so urgent that they could not be contained and interjected at an appropriate point and yet are spoken without any consideration for appropriate volume or phonetic precision so that anyone could actually understand them.

Judging by the professor's bewildered looks and shaking head when your meaning is eventually uncovered, we're really not missing much. So, "Thanks," for your complete lack of a contribution and perpetually irritating presence. Maybe, just maybe, you'll someday realize what a complete and total moron you sound like and take a vow of silence.

Just save us all the trouble. Please.